The best laid plans
November 9th, 2009 | 
Author: The other night during the girls’ avoiding going to bed chit/chat the sentance was uttered, “[certain family member who shall remain nameless] told us we are oops babies.”
Oops Babies.
This is not the first time this [family memeber who shall remain nameless] has over stepped her their bounds. It is not the first time they have opened their mouth and told my kids things they had no business telling my kids. All because they felt my kids should know and didn’t agree with my parenting decisions.
But Oops Babies? Seriously?
I don’t care who you are, you don’t ever tell a child they are an Oops baby. I know that it was said as a derogatory remark against me and/or their father (mostly me). I mean, not every baby out there is planned for or at the right time. And does it matter if we planned for them at that exact time? They are loved and wanted.
I had to explain to them that the comment wasn’t meant to hurt them, but was made in the hopes it would get back to me and hurt me. (It pissed me off). I had to explain to the girls that plans aren’t always written in stone. The planning doesn’t matter, it’s the journey and the love and caring they’ve had along the way.
When it was said, my first instinct, as a mother, was to protect my girls and in protecting them, I wanted to attack the source of the stupidity that had put that hurtful idea in their heads. I wanted to call [family member who shall remain nameless, unless you want to name her meddling, coniving hateful *ahem*] and give her them a piece of my mind.
Then I wanted to call a different familymember who is removed from the situation and get their take on it.
But I didn’t. I walked away from it. The remark was said in the hopes it would piss me off and stir up a whole lot of drama. If I reacted, then it would be playing into her their hands. I didn’t need to make a big scene out of this. I needed to just blow it off and be the bigger person.
And I need to remind the girls that what [family member who shall remain nameless, but not absent from their life] said it doesn’t make it true and it doesn’t change what truly matters.
Planned or not, they are loved.
Posted in 
Tags:
You did right. As long as the girls know you love them, they won’t let that bother them.
I was an Ooops, but I heard from the source why and I know I was/am loved so I joke about it, I don’t care.
It takes all the power from “that person” when you don’t let it get to you. Good for you.
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 7:56 am
@rainwolf,
I was an oops baby too, and I figured it out on my own, but when you’re 8 it really doesn’t mean anything. My oldest realized it was just a way to get to me and not a reflection on her. She’s smart like that.
[Respond]
Way to go! I occasionally have to deal with similar situations, but thankfully not as often anymore since she moved 800 miles away.
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 7:58 am
@Becky W.,
It was sooo difficult to not pick up the phone and start raising 7 kinds of hell with her, and whoever else I could get to listen. I wanted to ream her a new one. But then I took the high road and told the girls that she was just mentally depraved and we should really feel sorry for her.
[Respond]
Twitter: rdemelo
says:
OMG, that is terrible!! Nice to meet you btw. I followed you thru COAH. Looking forward to mores posts.
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 9:54 am
@Robin (massholemommy),
Very nice to meet you too.
Knowing [family member who shall remain nameless even though I have at least a dozen names I would *love* to use] it didn’t surprise me at all. It pissed me off to no end that she would use my kids that way.
[Respond]
Twitter: obnoxioussahm
says:
Hey Becky!
I too hate hearing the ‘opps baby’ i can’t agree with you more. (thumbs up)
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 10th, 2009 at 11:28 am
@Obnoxious SAHM,
I tell them they are the best surprises of my life. And just because she-who-shall-remain-nameless said it doesn’t make it true.
[Respond]
Twitter: mommywantsvodka
says:
*sighs* I was an Oops baby. Ben was an Oops baby. Mimi was an Oops baby too. We’re all surprise babies. I like that idea. Great surprises.
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 10:47 am
@Aunt Becky,
Here is the very definition of irony. [Family memboer who shall remain nameless] was an oops baby too, A wartime oops baby. Go figure
[Respond]
First and foremost, I was NOT an oops baby. I was one the most well thought out planned children there ever was. My mom and dad waited ten years after the last of six kids to have me so that by the time I was 8 and would start really “needing” anything aka money, all of my brothers and sisters would have “real” jobs and they could buy it for me. So HA to whoever thinks oops babies aren’t the best.
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 10:48 am
@Margaret,
I very well have said They are not oops babies, they were the most effective way to piss her off the most. HA
[Respond]
Twitter: orangepeelings
says:
That’s very admirable that you were able to walk away. That’s terrible thing to say to a child. Obviously, the person that said that has some serious issues if they’re willing to say that to a child.
Stopping by and avoiding housework!
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 11th, 2009 at 11:22 am
@Dawn,
Welcome, gome by any time there is never any housework being done here.
The fact that it was said is what pissed me off. I mean really what kind of relative would say that to a family member? What kind of person would say that to a child?
And that’s the kind of person she is. Obviously
[Respond]
I think me and my sisters all were “oops” babies! You’re right-it doesn’t sound very nice. One thing I know about family and that is you can’t change what they do or say but you can change your reaction to it. Good job!
[Respond]
Becky Reply:
November 12th, 2009 at 11:50 am
@Susan,
It took me a long time to learn I can’t change them, I can only change me. It’s my job to take the sting and the power of out the putrid things [family member] spews to my girls.
[Respond]
Good for you to not take the bait. After all, it’s more satisfying to blog about it than it would be to confront them and have all that drama.
[Respond]
There is great satisfaction in blogging about it b/c I know it will get back to them eventually and they will look like a douche. Besides this family member gives me tons of blog fodder, but I ignore most of it. I just did this b/c it pissed me off.
[Respond]